The "I Feel Ugly" Treatment

Some days are harder than others and most of the time 'attitude' is what makes all the difference.  When I am feeling down about myself or just weary about all I have on my plate, it helps to make an attitude adjustment. It just doesn't come easy.

A long time ago, I came up with a plan to help me feel better about myself,...The 'I Feel Ugly' Treatment.  I was a teenager at the time and it made all the difference.  It still works for me to this day. 

You will need:

• At least 2 hours of uninterrupted free time.  I know, I know, nearly impossible to come by but it will be worth it if you can manage to squeeze it out somehow.  When my kids were little, I waited until they were in bed and my hubby was home before I started.  My hubby loves what this does for me so he supports it.
• Your favorite drink.  It doesn't have to be alcoholic.  It just has to be something you LOVE.  Milk would work.  I usually choose a wine cooler, Dr. Pepper or sparkling cider.  I have even used ice water during a particularly scarce financial time of my life. 
• A pretty stemmed glass.  This really makes your drink feel "classy" even if it's milk.  Most of my fancy stemware has been broken over time, but I try to keep a couple hidden on the top shelf in the corner for 'special occasions'.  This is a 'special occasion'. 
• Bubble bath. The whole point of this is to pamper yourself. So, if you can manage, dig out that fancy good smelling stuff hiding in the cabinet somewhere and use it!  Otherwise, any bubble bath will do...or shampoo...I have used shampoo before.  It's not as bubbly, but it works.  Dishsoap might be more bubbly.  I'm not sure how good it smells, but it will bubble.
• Music.  This is important.  Not all music will work for this.  It needs to be something inspirational.  I usually listen to classical or gospel/Christian music.  You can choose what you like, but it needs to convey positive messages.  I know some people who really get inspired by showtunes.  If it doesn't bring a smile to your face as soon as it starts, reconsider your choice.
• A music player with speakers.  The music needs to fill the room.  It should surround you, keep outside noises to a minimum, and not interfere with your ability to put your ears under the water.  There's just something relaxing about putting your ears under the water.  I think it may have some prenatal origins.
• A sweet treat.  This is a 'special occasion' and special occasions are usually marked with something sweet.  So, splurge a little.  You don't have to buy a whole cake.  One of those cool little treats at the bakery would be nice though.  You know, the ones you are always looking at hoping for the right occasion to try it?  This is that occasion and you are worth it.  Don't forget to put it on one of your fanciest plates.
• Bath stuff.  Loofahs, bath salts, bath oils (though they don't work well with bubbles), plastic pillow,...things of that nature... 
• Body care stuff.  Body wash, shampoo, conditioner, face cleaners, body scrub, body lotion, face lotion, hot oil hair treatment, razor, face mask, foot scrub, pumice stone, nail grooming kit, hair waxing kit, nail polish & remover,...I think you get the idea...all those things you collect to care for your body that you never seem to have time for.  This is the time.
• At least two good towels.  One towel for your hair and one for your body.  Any additional towels could be for your feet or whatever else you think you may need.  Just make sure the towel you use around your body is big enough.  It doesn't help you to feel better about your body when your towel won't go all the way around it.
• Candles.  It's really fun to have several going at the same time, but if it's all you have, one will work fine.  Hopefully it smells nice.
• Matches or lighter.
• Something to wear.  You will need something clean and comfortable.  Beautiful would be nice too, but clean and comfortable is more important.  I like warm, soft and silky things for afterwards (and fuzzy socks).

Now that you have assembled the things that you will need, begin setting up the bathroom.  Make sure your bathroom is clean first.  It won't help you feel relaxed if you are surrounded by filth.  Take a few minutes and clean it.  It will be worth it.  I promise. 

Now set the treat and the drink where you can reach them from the tub.  I like to use a chair or a stool (with a cloth napkin for a tablecloth) because I can use the chair later for other things.  Find safe places for the candles.  Just make sure that everything you need for your pampering session is readily available.  There is nothing worse than needing something when you're naked.

This time for you is about contemplation, refreshment, and pampering. It is time to acknowledge that you are precious even if sometimes you don't feel that way. It is a time to renew your spirit, refocus your energy, and refresh your mind. Open up to your emotions.  Keep the good ones and let go of the bad. Take care of your body in that deliciously wonderful, multi-sensory and spiritually charged environment.  Do some daydreaming.
 
Now, don't be anxious and try not to look at yourself in the mirror if you can avoid it. This is more about refreshing the inner you than making yourself beautiful. You already ARE beautiful. Take a deep breath, light your candles, and start the music. Lock the door and turn out the light. It's treatment time...

Leftover Tamale Soup

 

Let me start by saying that I HATE wasting food.  Growing up poor, I have gained an attitude of thankfulness when it comes to what I have been provided to eat. I remember the days when food was scarce so it just drives me crazy if I have to throw any of it away.  My husband does pretty good with leftovers, but it does get boring.  So, this post is the beginning of a series in which I plan to give you good ideas for revamping your leftovers.

In my neighborhood, there is a pleasant little Mexican lady who occasionally drops by to sell us some homemade tamales.  They are delicious!  After the first day or two, however they just aren't as good.  Even if they are reheated in the microwave they seem dry and...just not the same. So, I wrap them up and pop them into the freezer.  The other day, I discovered over 30 frozen tamales in my freezer!  So, after thawing a few, I used some ingredients that I already had on hand and I made...

Leftover Tamale Soup

1/2 c. chopped onions

1/2 c. chopped green peppers

1 clove garlic chopped or minced

3 c. chicken broth

1 Tbs. chili powder

2 tsp. ground cumin

1 tsp. crushed chili pepper

dash or pinch of cinnamon
1 rounded teaspoon tomato paste

1 c. leftover black beans (or pinto beans)

3 small tomatoes with juice chopped

5-6 thawed leftover tamales

1/4 c. chopped fresh cilantro

shredded cheese, chopped cilantro, and sour cream to garnish 

In a large pot, saute onions, green peppers and garlic.  Cut tamales into bite size pieces and set aside.  When onion mixture is soft, add chicken broth, tomato paste and spices.  Bring to a boil.  Turn heat to low.  Add beans, tamales, tomatoes, and most of the cilantro.  At this point you could also add a cup of corn and/or black olives.  I would have done so, but I didn't have them available. 

Simmer for about 5-10 minutes stirring occasionally.  Take off the heat.  Ladle into bowls.  Garnish and serve.  Serves 4-6.

 

This is a little spicy so be careful.  The sour cream helps a little with that.   It was super delicious though!  My kids even loved it!  I will definitely be making more of this in the future and I won't be so afraid to buy more tamales!

 

One note:  The masa in the tamales does break down a little as you cook the soup. If you reheat it later eventually it will be more grainy. It still tastes delicious. It just isn't as pretty.  I hope you enjoy it as much as we did! 

The Chronic Procrastinators Guide To Getting Things Done...Part #1

Getting started is probably the hardest thing for a chronic procrastinator to do.  It is probably the one thing that really qualifies us as "chronic".  I have read so many "helpful" hints on how to get things done or how to stop procrastinating.  I'm just not sure they get it.  It is more complicated than just time management or setting priorities.  Although, that can be useful.  I appreciate the "just do it" statements, but for me, it's just not as easy as it sounds.  So I have come up with a few things that I am using to keep me functional.  I'm still working on getting from functional to  productive.  So, I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Recognize Your Weaknesses

There is a real sense of anxiety that comes over chronic procrastinators when faced with certain tasks.  It's not always the same task for everyone.  Keep a journal or make a mental note.  I have have a hard time remembering to write stuff down but maybe you can.  Anyway, if you can remember to do it, next time you catch yourself procrastinating write down what it was you were avoiding, why you think you were avoiding it, and how you were avoiding it.  It might give you some insight.  Me?  I have issues with writing (I know that's ironic right now), making business phone calls, dealing with confrontations or making presentations, mundane tasks, crowds, and handling gross things.  What are yours?  If you figure it out and want to share, leave me a comment.

Cut It Out

Avoid the things that cause you to lose time.  You know what I mean.  You tell yourself, "I'll only do this for 20 minutes and then I'll do such-and-such".  Three hours later you realize that you don't have time to do such-and-such because you are going to be late for that appointment.  Those are the things I'm talking about.  Cut them out or severely limit them.  It might be harder than you think to limit them though.  One of my time losers is video games.  My husband asked me recently to play a facebook game so that his mom could have "friends" on it.  I told him that was risky for me.  He said, "Just sign up.  You don't have to play."  It took me three months to give it up.  Like I've said before, chronic procrastinators are addicts.  Can an alchoholic have  just one beer?  Not likely.  It's never just one for an alchoholic...just like it's never just 20 minutes for a chronic procrastinator.  Know your limitations.

 

Reward Yourself

Who says only kids get to be rewarded for doing their chores?  Reward yourself, but try to have the reward be something intangible.  Remember, chronic procrastination is an addictive behavior which can  sometimes switch over to another addictive behavior (compulsive overeating or shopping, etc).  Don't just "take a break" though.  Breaks can be bad for chronic procrastinators.  Stopping when you've got the momentum can bring progress to a halt.  Instead, reward yourself by allowing yourself to do a desired task when you have made progress with the un-desired.  I make myself make the bed, wash the dishes, and do a load of laundry BEFORE I am allowed to check my email.  Heading to the beach would probably require more progress.  I suppose I could take a walk, but that would be productive.  I am not sure I'm ready for that yet.  What healthy rewards can you think of?

 

 

Use Your Timer

 I have invested in a good timer.  I use it for homeschool.  It has the ability to time three different things at a time.  I don't always use it for me, but it would sure help.  It could be used to limit an activity or encourage you to do an activity.  When I am faced with a task that overwhelms me, it helps to tell myself that I only have to do it for 15 minutes.  I can do 15 minutes.  Estimating that the job might actually take much longer to finish is sometimes discouraging, but 15 minutes?  I can do that.  Usually I'll set the timer, get started.... Did you hear that?  I got started.  Sometimes that's all it takes.  If I'm still wanting to finish the job and I have the time, I will continue even when the timer signals.

 

Take Smaller Bites

 Some jobs are more complicated or I am more prone to anxiety when faced with starting them.  So, I break them down into smaller tasks.  For instance, when faced with cleaning the bathroom, I will do a little at a time all day.  First, I'll pull out my products and cleaning supplies.  A little while later, I'll wash the windows and mirrors.  Then after a while, I'll clean the sink and counters.  Eventually it gets done and it doesn't feel as traumatic as it does when I do it all at once. 

Checklists Are Awesome

I love checklists.  Each time I check things off it makes me feel good.  I have to be careful though.  If my checklist is too short, I will worry that I will forget something.  If it is too long, I will worry that I can't get anything done.  So, what I do is I keep a running master to do list in my computer of everything that I need or want to do.  I categorize the to do's into sub groups so that I can find what needs to be done in that area quickly.  Every day, I determine what my top priorities for the day are and I write them on a 3X5 card (with checkboxes).  This keeps my priorities in my pocket and keeps my worries of forgetting them from overwhelming me.

 

Take The Risk

Some things are hard for us to do because we are concerned about our ability to do it well.  We are afraid that our attempts will look foolish or the outcome will be less than the perfect image we have created in our minds.  Yet without taking any risks we will never accomplish anything, learn anything new, or get better at something.  My husband, Mr. Soccer, loves to coach and he often uses this quote.

 

"You will miss 100% of the shots you don't make" --Wayne Gretsky

 

 It's true.  If you don't start, you will never get it done.  If you don't ask, the answer will always be "no".  If you don't try, you will always get it wrong.  Do it.  Wrong or right, at least you started.  It is hard for me to get started writing. I have found, though, that if I write something...anything... even if it sounds stupid I can keep going.  I am able to go back and fix what's wrong later.  I just have to get the first sentence onto the paper.  Take the risk.

 

Be A Tortoise

Do you remember the children's story of The Tortoise and the Hare?  You can listen to it here if you'd like.  The tortoise won the race because he just kept going.  Sometimes we think that we have to get it all done RIGHT NOW.  I have determined to "get caught up" all at once in the past and ended up discouraging myself instead.  I am learning that the tortoise had it right.  He just keeps plodding on.  Little by little he moves forward.  He doesn't stop.  I want to be a tortoise.  I may not be as smart, talented, or quick as others, but if I keep progressing, I can accomplish something amazing too.  



 

Check back for The Chronic Procrastinators Guide To Getting Things Done Part #2!

Four Things You Might Not Know About Chronic Procrastinators

Typical...It took me a week to actually write this post.  It's not perfect, but at least I did it.  I am a chronic procrastinator or what I call a "functioning" chronic procrastinator.  It hasn't been detrimental to my life...lately.  I maintain things.  That's about it.  Dishes get washed every day.  There is food to eat.  We usually have clean clothes to wear.  I do have a pile of dirty laundry...OK, sometimes more like a mountain. 

I have enough college credits to be half-way to my Master's Degree...but I have no degree at all.  Yes, that's right, not even an Associates Degree.  I dropped out...started somewhere else...dropped out...started somewhere else...you get the idea.  Some of my professors even went out of their way for me...believing in my good will to do it...and gave me extension after extension.  I failed them.  I failed me. 

There are other things too...Christmas cards that never got sent (half of them were addressed--I finally gave up on sending Christmas cards altogether), thank you notes never written (though I have a plethora of cards to choose from), boxes filled with projects purchased or partially started and many other things undone...dreams unfulfilled. 

Do you identify with me? Are you filled with questions as to why you can't seem to start or finish anything either? Or on the opposite end, have you already begun to formulate criticisms of me or others like me?  Hopefully this post will bring you a little understanding of the chronic procrastinator and why we do what we do...or don't do, as the case may be.

1. We don't want to procrastinate.

I don't wake up in the morning and decide to not do what needs to be done.  It doesn't happen that way.  I begin every day with good intentions and every night I hope that tomorrow I will do better.  Unfortunately, chronic procrastination is an addictive behavior.  It is related to eating disorders, drug addiction, alcoholism and hoarding.  Sometimes the chronic procrastinator has more than one addiction or has just switched to the lesser of the two evils.  Addiction is a coping mechanism.  It is way of avoiding reality.  It is often triggered by feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness. People with chronic procrastination need professional help and/or a 12-step program.  I am involved in a program called Celebrate Recovery.  It is a Christ based 12-step program for all types of addictive behaviors.  If you want to find a Celebrate Recovery Program in your area, click here.  Another great online resource is Procrastinators Anonymous. 

2. We are hardworking.

Yeah right, you say...but it's true!  Chronic procrastinators are some of the busiest people I know.  The problem isn't that they choose to do nothing.  The problem is they choose to do everything BUT what they need to do right now.  I am fortunate to have a very understanding husband who loves me very much.  It would be harder for me to improve myself if he wasn't.  I have his support and love even when I "look" lazy because I homeschooled in my PJ's all morning.  I think I am afraid that if I stop to get dressed that I will lose my momentum.  For me, it is a good thing to just get started whether I am dressed or not. 

3. We are capable.

One of the worst things you can do is to do it for us or "show us how it's done".  I know sometimes people just want to help and if it is sincere it may be accepted.  Some people though do it with a sense of "I am better than you".  Even with sincerity, however, doing it for us or "showing us how it's done" may backfire...making us feel worse about ourselves.  It can send us down an extremely unproductive cycle once again.  Chronic procrastinators are capable of doing these things themselves.  Some of them are even list makers and planners like me.  I will sit down with a schedule and to do list in hand and still not get very far.  It's all about avoiding.  We are subconscious escape artists.  Deadlines are frightening.  Lists are overwhelming.  We can do it.  We are capable.  We just can't seem to get started...or keep the momentum once we have started.  Perhaps it's a problem with our perspective.   We feel powerless.  The job looks like it's too complicated, too big, or too difficult.  Sometimes, it's an inadequacy problem...a fear of getting it wrong...a fear of the result not being good enough even after it's all said and done.

 

4. We are intelligent and creative.

Perhaps that's one of the problems. Perhaps we see life differently.  We want more than the mundane, everyday ordinary life.  Sometimes I look at my overwhelming list or schedule and freak out because I don't want to be a slave to a list! I want to enjoy my life! The problem is, I don't necessarily do enjoyable things when I procrastinate!  We daydream about what we desire in life and then look around and see how much would need to change in order to accomplish it.  We find it exhausting to comprehend!  So instead, we avoid.  We run from reality because we lose our hope that things will ever get better.

 

I don't want my chronic procrastination to rob me of the life that God wants to give me.  I want to move forward from "functional" to productive.  Some days I'm just shooting for "functional".  I want to see my reality change to more closely reflect God's desires for me.  I want an amazing, fulfilling life.  I know I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and my life will be as I have imagined.  It will take daily effort and commitment.  My struggle with my addictive tendencies will be a challenge.  I will have to change my way of thinking by recognizing my God-given value and that what He has provided for me will be enough.  I will have to change my way of doing things, too. That is all I can do.  Doing things the way I have been doing them isn't working.  I do not have the power to change circumstances, other people or even me.  I can only trust God and allow Him to do His miracle in me and believe that He will never give up on me.

 

 

"Being confident of this very thing, that he who has begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:"  Philippians 1:6